The Second Baby

Having the second baby has been a different experience for me than having the first. With Grace I was always worried about doing the wrong thing. I wanted to do everything the experts suggested/required. I wanted to hold her enough, but not too much. Feed her the right amount at the right time. Lay her in the proper positions without blankets, and not have her in our room very long to establish boundaries. I had absolutely no experience to go off of and desperately wanted to do the "right things" to make sure my child had the optimal growing and learning experience. Even typing this all out makes me look back and know that I was being totally ridiculous. But, in all honestly, that is exactly how I felt.

The second time around I basically said "screw it" and I did whatever the heck I wanted. I didn't let my mind be governed by outside rules or restrictions that told me this was better than that. I still practiced necessary caution and safety, of course, but when it came down to what was "best" for my baby, my policy was just to love him as much as I wanted.

It made the first days and weeks of Christian's life pure bliss. I'd nuzzle his neck and breathe in that newborn baby smell, convincing myself that oxygen was totally overrated and newborn baby smell was all I needed to survive. I'd slowly trace my finger across the skin on his face watching and trying to memorize the way his eyes shut and slowly reopened as I traced my finger down the ridge of his nose.

 I'd kiss his lips, his cheeks, his chin, his belly and whisper into his ear, "I love you so much baby boy."

In the mornings after I nursed him I'd lay him in between me and Aaron and pat his back until all of us unintentionally fell asleep.

There would be moments where Christian would be sitting in his bouncy seat and I'd pick him up and hold him because, gosh darn it all, newborns shouldn't have to sit in a seat they should be loved and cuddled and held all the live-long day.

The different perspective helped me to soak up and cherish these newborn moments. I had done this before and it flew by so quickly that I knew I couldn't take it for granted again. I did my best to live in the moment and I feel like those sweet experiences, the ones where the minutes and seconds seemed to stop ticking by, are now engrained in my memory, cutting deep grooves into my mind.

I can feel the newborn-ness fading and Christian is starting to coo and become aware of his surroundings and as I watch his brain taking in this new world that he is a part of, I know that he is growing up. Although I will miss this phase I know that I really, truly, did enjoy it with everything that I had, and I look forward to the next phase that is coming.