Moments

There are marshmallows everywhere. Dumped on the floor and dumped on our dinner plates from Grace when she earlier declared, "Mmmm Mommy, marshmallows for dinner. Yummy, I love marshmallows." Normally I would have caught her in the act and put a stop to her marshmallow fest. But in the moment, I didn't want to. She was so proud of herself for her creativity and resolve that marshmallows were the perfect post-quesdilla dinner treat. And I soaked it in and played along. She later ran into the bathroom with, what looked like, baby powder all over her face as she declared almost desperately, "It's everywhere Mama, it's all over the place." I responded, "What is all over the place?" Fully expecting loads of baby powder all over the living room. She grabbed my hand, "Come with me Mom." I plotted how to best tackle baby powder and carpet clean-up when I rounded the corner to see more marshmallows spilled on the carpet. I laughed, "Sweetie, don't worry it is not a big deal. They are just marshmallows."

I am not normally the swooning, soak-it-in, run across rainbows type of Mom. I wish I was more that way. I am usually overwhelmed, and stern, and a "Seriously, you're doing this right now?!' type of Mom. The one where marshmallows might send someone to timeout, and cause someone else to sigh audibly (a sigh which Grace has now learned from someone and can mimic perfectly...). But I have my moments. The moments where I'm the Mom I'd love to be all the time. The Mom that laughs at marshmallows and says, "Mmm I love marshmallows for dinner!" The Mom that dances a silly ballet at the end of the night because her overly-flowy sweater called for it and she knew her little girl would giggle with delight.

Those moments are some of my favorite. And as I get older and fall deeper into motherhood I can see those moments making grooves into my mind and I'm starting to crave them.

Today my flu-ridden baby wanted nothing more than to be snuggled up to me as much as humanly possible, so I let everything slide today. No grocery store run, no to-do list, just living for whatever the moment called for.

It was in the chaos of messes, and dishes, and lunches that made no sense that some of my favorite moments happened today. When I let go of the "We need to do this, and we need to do that" mentality I was able to take in some of the things I love the most. I wrapped my arms around Christian as his overly warm body took slow methodical breaths. He was sweating being wrapped up next to me but he wanted nothing more. I snuggled him and fed him, and laid him down to rest whenever he wanted. I cradled his body while he whimpered from the aches and pains that he was fighting so hard.

I smiled to myself. Between marshmallows, late-night ballet, and baby snuggles I was pretty close to heavenly bliss. The mess left in my apartment would beg to differ, but today I regretted nothing. I lived every minute today in the moment and loved it.