Truth Be Told

When we found out I was pregnant I told myself I would remain uncaring in regards to the gender of this baby. Whatever it was, I wanted it. But as the weeks wore on, people's theories and thoughts started influencing my "Mother's Intuition." My pregnancy was completely different from Grace's. I was ten times more hormonal, had obvious cravings and aversions, needed salt and protien like it was an occupation, nauseated, heartburn, mood swings, system back ups. With Grace I was tired and hungry and that was about it. So I thought, "It might be a boy..." But pregnancies can differ each time, so I didn't let that solidify the thought in my mind.

Then my sister Ashby told me, "I'm 100% convinced you're having a boy. There is no doubt in my mind."

Then I got little notes and messages from friends, "Your pregnancy sounds similar to the one I had with my son..." One even said, "I'm currently pregnant with a boy and I'm craving the same things."

So I started to sway. I would have been happy with either gender, heaven only knows I would love to have another Grace around these parts, but I was really starting to think it was a boy. The week before the ultrasound Aaron and I were saying "he" and "him." Although Grace was calling it a "her."

By ultrasound day I was still leaning towards boy, although I felt like it could go either way. As they zoomed to the cross section under his bum the outline of the baby was moving so much you couldn't see anything there, both Aaron and I thought, "It's a girl," only to have the cross section move out slightly proving, in fact, that it was definitely a boy.

Aaron and I talked and laughed and sent messages out to our family members. Aaron's said something along the lines of "It's a man child" and he deemed my "It's a boy" comment not as cool.

I spent the next few days knowing which way the dynamic of our family was going to change, two boys, two girls. But part of me wondered what it would have been like with another girl. I was a little sad at the thought of Grace not having a sister. Someone she could pass everything on to, clothes, dolls, wisdom. But this little man is now in the mix, and I know that is how it's supposed to be.

At 20 weeks I feel like I'm 7 months pregnant. My belly button is already starting to flatten. While in Houston I dragged my sister and Mom maternity clothes shopping. Elastic waistbands are the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm in maternity from head to toe, and there is no looking back.

I still crave wing stop, but also have a bizarre attachment to Brach's conversation hearts. I get excited to eat them, and that has never, ever happened before. I was so eager to eat the second bag that I got (yes, I'm now on my second bag) that I was halfway through before I realized the conversation hearts were in Spanish. It was an unexpected surprise.

We have not settled on a name for this little one, although Aaron and I have started agreeing more on names and have started a "Master List" of sorts. Knowing me, I'll change my mind a million times before he is born.

Now we're half-way there. I still sometimes can't believe it. I am so grateful for this little boy.

20 weeks left...but who is counting.