Thoughts on Pregnancy: 39 weeks

38 weeks

 39 weeks

 -Do I look really tired in the above picture? If so, it's because I am. In the past two weeks I have had 4 run ins with less than stellar "false labor" which, oddly enough, always strikes between the hours of 1-4 in the morning. Four nights without sleeping, four nights of guessing "when should I wake Aaron up?", four times mentally packing Grace's bag, four times mentally preparing myself for the arrival of my son, four times getting my hopes up, and four times feeling beyond stupid and disappointed when my contractions slow and stop. The story of the boy who cried wolf always plays in my mind, and I've become a little jaded to the whole excitement of going into labor because I have convinced myself that even if labor does start, it won't continue. I'm one seriously pessimistic Patricia.

-I am hopeful however, that in the next two weeks this little boy will arrive. I won't be pregnant forever. I tore off last weeks schedule from my calendar and saw that his due date was written in. Every day that goes by is one day closer. Almost here... almost here...

-In the meantime I had tried almost everything to get this baby here. After I got my membranes stripped at 38 weeks, I had me a spicy chicken sandwich. Spicy foods: check.

-I've walked many a mile, hefted many a grocery bag up and down two flights of stairs. Danced with Grace many a time.
-I've heeded my doctors advice on certain activities
-I've experienced the effects of Castor Oil without actually taking it, thanks to a stomach bug going around in our family.
-I've visualized myself going into labor.
-I've had my membranes stripped....again.
-Today I actually told the baby "You need to get here." to which Grace looked at my belly, patted it, and said "Come on Baby Brother. Get here." If he doesn't come for that, then I really don't know what else will work.
-The only thing this has taught me is that I have zero control in this situation. The baby will come when my body is ready for labor, and although the things that I have tried have worked for people in the past, it only means that their bodies were a lot more ready to go into labor than mine is. You would think I would learn my lesson that I am never in control, since life likes to beat me over the head with that lesson. I'll learn it one day, I promise.

Regardless, I prepare every single day for "This is it! This is the day!" I have cleaned my apartment 4 times in the past 7 days. I never leave dishes in the sink (just in case). Bags are packed, instructions printed, batteries charged. Honestly, I have never vacuumed or wiped down surfaces as much as I have the past few days. Yesterday I did five loads of laundry, and today I did three more. I pretty much washed and dried everything that I could get my hands on. I have "nursing snacks" on the ready, paper plates and plastic utensils in store (so dishes aren't a concern after returning home). My car has been washed and vacuumed, and car seats have been shifted and installed.

-It's hard work maintaing and keeping things in "hospital sanitary"and "just in case" order, and although I strongly hope that it throws me into labor, more often than not it just makes me tired. So I nap like nobody's business.

-I make sure to reward my efforts accordingly. And with each passing day I find myself caring less and less about what I'm eating. Pretty sure I had cookies and milk at 3:30pm yesterday for absolutely no justifiable reason other than "This sounds like a good idea."

-I'm not a terribly patient person and I feel pretty selfish trying to force this little guy here. I know he'll come when he is good and ready, but I want to hold his tiny, warm, heaven-sent, little body in my arms. I want to smell that new baby smell, look into his eyes, and whisper in his ear "We've been waiting for you. You have a sister who loves you even though she has never met you, a father who will be patient with you and teach you that girls aren't worth the heartbreak, and a Mom that prayed hard to get you here." Is that too much to ask? In the grand scheme of things a week or two won't make a difference I guess.

-I hope this explains my absence from the blogging world, and the normal world too. If I have seemed distance, distracted, and aloof, its because I am. My mind has been thinking of one thing and one thing only: getting this baby here.

At 38 weeks I was 2cm dilated and 40% effaced, at 39 weeks I am 3cm dilated and 60% effaced and "good to go" according to my doctor. It's close, but still still a waiting game.

Almost here...almost here.