Mysterious Ways

Shortly after Aaron and I had received a call from our doctor informing us about our fertility, I asked Aaron for a blessing. My head was all over the place. I felt good, I felt afraid, but mostly I felt like I finally looked down and the ground was strange and unfamiliar. I didn't know where I was. I wanted peace, I wanted comfort. But secretly I wanted a timeline. I wanted Heavenly Father to say to me, "Here is how short or long this will take." I felt like if I knew what my timeline was, then I could power through and handle the situation with more perspective. But I knew that wasn't how things worked. You never know your timeline, ever. 

Aaron said some beautiful things. Urging me to focus my attention on the other responsibilities that I had and reminding me that I needed to be participating in those things. I gripped my seat and waited for my timeline. I wanted it, even though I knew it wasn't going to be given. Short? Long? Rough terrain? I felt like I was whisper-shouting those words despite never actually saying them. Aaron paused for a moment. Then he said, "the Lord works in mysterious ways." I let out my breath, not realizing at the time that I was holding it in. My shoulders slumped a little. He finished the beautiful blessing. I wiped my tears and hugged and thanked him.

The words "the Lord works in mysterious ways," swam through my head. They felt heavy and gave me no bearings as to where I would find the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt defeated in my timeline desires. I felt selfish. I looked at the road ahead and took the first unknown step forward.

I still felt lost and confused. My emotions ran all over the place. But I put my mind elsewhere, focusing on my other responsibilities. Moving forward. 

What I didn't realize at the time, was the statement, "the Lord works in mysterious ways," was in fact a very specific answer, despite my feelings of it being extremely vague.

It was the statement that followed a series of "Oh. My Gosh" remarks. A series of about 25 of them repeated over and over and over. 

It was the statement that would explain the positive pregnancy test that I held in my hand shortly after being told we had a fertility related issue. 

Baby Barnard #2 Due July 1st, 2012

We are excited, humbled, thrilled, and extremely extremely grateful for this little baby. And we are living proof that the Lord does, in fact, work in mysterious ways.