Vulnerable

I'm doing something that makes me feel very vulnerable. But I shouldn't be scared to do it, even though I am just a little. Here is the most important part of who I am.

Why am I a Mormon?

Because I feel it. I feel it deep in my bones and heavy in my heart. I feel it with every fiber of my being right down to the tips of my toes. It's wonderful. It's real. The closer I bring myself to the gospel the happier I feel. That joy from the gospel seems to find its way into the smallest most insignificant moments of life. But that joy makes those insignificant moments seem magnificent.

Although I was born into the gospel I still had to learn what it was and figure out if I believe. It's been a life long process. It's been hard. I felt like I had to fight at times to really figure out the truth. Really figure out who I was and what I wanted to stand for. I have definitely had moments where I wavered and battled with doubt and uncertainty. But those clouds of doubt forced me to question and, ultimately, draw nearer to the spirit and to the real truth. I'm still learning and fighting at times, but the foundation that I stand on is solid. I know without a shadow of a doubt that it's true. It's true. The gospel is true. That's definitely something worth fighting for. My feet are glued to that truth like they are stuck in cement. No amount of personal doubt and ridicule from others could make me deny that it's true.

It scares me sometimes to tell people about it. I don't want to push people away or make people feel like I'm forcing my beliefs on them. Sharing the most sacred thing that I have makes me feel extremely raw and vulnerable. I, unfortunately, worry about what other people think and what other people might say behind my back. But if I had something so amazing, something that brought me so much joy and happiness, wouldn't I be selfish in not sharing it? So here I am, open and vulnerable telling the world about the most incredible piece of my life, my testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints is the true church. I know that we have a Father in Heaven that loves of so much that he gave us the opportunity to come to this Earth, to partake in the amazing emotions, learning experiences, and struggles that would make us, as individuals, grow and stretch in ways that we wouldn't have been able to if we stayed in heaven. I know that He loved us enough to give us agency so that we might choose the path to walk down, that we could choose what to fight for. I know, so much so that it makes my bones ache, that Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer. He took everything upon him so that we could repent of our mistakes and return, once again, to our Heavenly Father. His life and example on the Earth blazed a trail for us to follow. I know that the scriptures, both the Bible and the Book of Mormon, with their unique language and their tellings of people from different times, house some of the most incredible truths. Cracking open those pages and reading just a verse or two causes the room to fill with the spirit and knowledge to come spilling in. The principles and doctrines from those two amazing books are true, are worth fighting for. And most importantly, I know that the Gospel, the one that Christ established, the one that was taken from the Earth, was restored. It was restored in the most humble of settings by a boy who was young, a boy seeking the truth, and a boy willing to fight for what he knew was right. Joseph Smith felt it the way that I feel it. With every cell of his body. People ripped him from his home, stripped the shirt from his back, poured hot tar on his skin, then laughed as they threw feathers on him. But he never denied it. Because he couldn't. Because it's true. It's real. And it's worth fighting for.

Why am I a Mormon? Because I feel it. Because I know it. Because I can't deny it. It's true.