I know what you have been missing in your lives, and that would probably have to be me standing in front of a mirror taking a picture of myself. Spot on, right?
27 weeks
28 weeks
A few days later I found myself in a situation. After a particularly sweaty and uncomfortable day I was with a group of girls and one asked "How are you feeling?" I said "As good as you can feel when it seems like there is cottage cheese down to your ankles and sweat rings the size of moons under your arms." As the words were escaping my mouth my brain caught onto a small fact. There was a girl standing in the group who would have given anything to be pregnant. A girl who would have taken the cottage cheese legs and sweaty underarms just for the pregnancy experience. And suddenly it was too late, I couldn't take my words back. I felt awful, like I just wanted to crawl inside a hole and die.
I became what I never thought I would be. I was taking for granted something that I wanted so badly and something that came when I least expected it. I have been so caught up in the slight discomforts that I forgot what a blessing it was that I got to be carrying this sweet baby. I forgot the tear filled moments on my knees begging for these moments of heartburn and weight gain. I felt so ashamed. I woke up this morning with a better resolve to "get over my bad self" and enjoy what I have been given. But to those who might have heard me complain about being pregnant and wanted to punch me in the face, I am so so sorry. Please find it in your hearts to forgive me.
Here is what has been going on at 28 weeks:
-Baby boy has been active. I think his feet are somewhere near my right ribs and I feel the hiccups most (which I love) underneath my belly button. I have a sonogram in two weeks so I'll get to see whether my guesses were right. He moves across my belly and we're starting to see random things poking out here and there. Aaron always asks, "What is that?" I wish I knew whether it was a knee or an elbow.
-I normally fall asleep on my side and wake up in the same position the next morning. If I have to change sides I have to wake up, although I have mastered using my elbows behind me to roll over. Sometimes I wake up on my back and have a slight panic attack hoping I haven't hurt the baby somehow.
-My Braxton Hicks contractions come randomly throughout the day depending on what I am doing or whether I have to go to the bathroom, but they start coming regularly at 10:00 at night. Aaron and I are now well read on Braxton Hicks contractions, making sure we know the ins and outs should something out of the ordinary happen. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that perhaps all this "practice" will gear me up for a quick labor (a girl can dream).
-I find myself day-dreaming about this little one a lot. What will he look like? Will he be bigger than Grace? Will he look like Grace? Will he come early or late? I can't wait for July to come. I'm excited for the changes that he will bring into our little family dynamic.
3 comments:
I am getting a ton of Braxton Hicks, too, mostly at night. I asked Marty (even though I knew the answer) if that meant I'd be dialated and have a fast labor and even go early. He very sympatheticaly said, "no." Haha. No dice. Good luck getting to July!
Isn't it funny how pregnancies can be so different? You loved being pregnant with Grace, and when I was pregnant with Max it was easy as pie! This pregnancy has been a doozy for my too. Heartburn, throwing up every 5 seconds, weight gain! Isn't it ironic that just a few months ago we were both crying to each other that we wanted to be pregnant!! I need to do better about not complaining as well. We are blessed to get these pregnancies that we both had to wait so long for.
Kara, two things: I LOVE all your maternity clothes. That shirt is adorable! Also, don't be so hard on yourself. If pregnancy is uncomfortable, and painful, and taxing, then it IS. Expressing those feelings does not in ANY way take away your desire for baby boy, nor does it take away your gratitude for becoming and being pregnant-not for one second. Being honest when someone asked you how you're feeling does NOT diminish the miracle; it simply makes the miracle real-life...does that make sense?
Coming from someone who has never (and probably never will) had the opportunity to carry a child, when I ask someone how they are feeling when pregnant, I want them to TELL me, so that I can understand what it's like. I don't want to hear all the glamor (although, I do want to hear that: what it's like to feel the baby, what it's like when they hiccup, what an ultra sound looks like, etc.)--I just want to know what it's REALLY like...I care about the people I'm asking, and I want them to to talk to me about the good, the bad and the ugly, because A)I care about the person and how they're really doing, and B) it's a way that I can experience and understand something that I haven't been able to as of yet. Kara, your heart is made of gold, and because your are sensitive to others and their situations, you care about how what you say affects them. That shows your depth of character and goodness. You don't have to hide reality, though, to show your gratitude. I can guarantee that you say just as many positive, uplifting, awe-inspiring things about this pregnancy as you do the reality check things. Pregnancy is hard. It's also a miracle. You know both...there's nothing wrong with that.
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