The Place We Live

We always knew we'd end up in Texas at some point. I'm not sure why, but that was always a given. We had a layover at DFW during one of our flights from San Francisco to D.C. I remember peering eagerly out the window to see the houses and the neighborhoods. I had never been to Texas before and I wanted to take it all in. As we passed by gates and food courts and endless Dallas Cowboy Fan shops, I turned to Aaron, "This just feels like home. I can't explain it, it just does." A year later we moved to Dallas.

My sister-in-law Liv and her family drove up from Houston to meet us at the airport. She somehow managed to meet me at my gate and kindly escorted me to their car. After I loved on my nieces and nephew I fixed my eyes on what laid behind the windows.

The land was flat, the trees were short, and the earth and the sky mirrored each others flat-ness. After being raised in Virginia, attending college in Utah, and living in California, I had become accustomed to beautiful scenery. Lush green trees, mountains, beaches, flowers, season changes, rolling hills, you name it, I had lived in it. The green, brown, and blue monotony of Texas was underwhelming. What had I gotten myself into?

The area we moved to came as a recommendation from a friend who had family that lived there. We settled in and life got moving. I clung to the notion that this was "home" and this was where we needed to be, but still didn't know why or for how long.

For a while I thought we'd be moving again in two years, we are nomads after all. Three states in six years, why settle now? But when Aaron decided to attend SMU for his MBA I knew we were going to be here longer.

The summers were brutal, especially when I was pregnant with Christian. I seriously wondered why anyone would ever want to live here or why anyone stayed. But then fall would come and October was flip flop weather instead of sweater weather, and I kind of, completely, loved that.

But it wasn't about the weather. Good weather can be found anywhere at some point in the year. I started to fall hard for this area I knew nothing about when I moved here. I didn't understand at the time why it came recommended but I was learning quickly.

A small city nestled in the midst of bigger cities. A tight knit community that has its own traditions, and systems and works together to make things happen. Volunteers from the community came together, and side-by-side they re-built the playground that Grace and Christian are playing on in these pictures. Churches, businesses, families all pitched in. Close by is the library, fire station, and city center.

I know these communities are everywhere, but it's as if I was seeing one for the first time. And I fell hard for it.

Aaron and I wanted to get into a house, and we debated on what would be best for our little family. It was more affordable to go west, or to go north. We could get a lot more house for our money.

After weeks of endless discussions, weighing pros and cons, we decided it was worth it for us to stay. I scoured the rental markets to the point where I'm pretty sure my brain turned to mush. Nothing was working out for us and I nervously waited for something to happen. Something had to become available, right? Something totally perfect and right up our alley?

I started to despair for awhile. You know, because I like to be dramatic sometimes. We thought perhaps getting into a larger apartment might be a more realistic option. After a long Sunday drive we came across a house that went all Goldilocks on us and was "just right." The pieces fell perfectly into place and before we knew it we were signing a lease.

And my love affair with this place started to grow. I went to get the water switched over to our name and they gave me a magnet, and talked about my kids going to school there, and how someone would stop by the house to deliver a Welcome to the Area packet. And I stood there doe eyed, and smiling. Because I felt like an adult, I felt like a member of the community, I felt like I wanted to stay forever and have my kids grow up here.

And suddenly, my feelings of "this is home" became more rational to me. This is home, I want this to be home. There are good people here, supportive friends, and strangers who are super nice to me and my kids when I'm fumbling around all "hot mess" like. And although those can be found in every corner of the Earth, I feel like for me, this is my place, I've found it. It was a gradual process, as in, it took me two years to fall in love, but it happened.

I don't honestly know how long we will be here, but I will enjoy every minute of it. It could change in the future but for right now this is my place.

And wouldn't you know, to appease the Virginian in me, there are some pretty big trees here.

That Grace

There has been a lot of talk about Christian, especially with the monthly posts. But what about that Grace?

Oh, that Grace. I love her. She is sweet and helpful and out of nowhere she can unleash her firecracker side which always keeps me on my toes (sometimes fortunately, sometimes very very unfortunately).

I had to take a picture of Aaron's pants so I could take them back to the dry cleaner (where we get our alternations done) to get them hemmed a little more. Grace had to be in on the action.

Speaking of our dry cleaner.... Grace loves that lady. Ever since we started going there (2 years ago) she had been giving Grace candy. Grace always walks in and before pleasantries are even exchanged she says, "Can I have some candy." Notice the lollipop in her mouth.

Grace loves Christian. Its been like that since Day 1. I keep waiting for that fact to change, but it hasn't. She loves him a lot. I never let Grace ride in the car-grocery-cart combo, mostly due to the fact that I know she would ask me every.single.time we go to the store if she could ride in it and I don't have the arm strength or the patience to push and navigate that thing every time. But on a rare trip to CVS I let her ride in the car. I had to plop Christian down in the seat with her since there was no baby seat. And despite this being the first time she got to drive the car, she was more than happy to have Christian sharing the moment with her.

She loves band-aids. Most kids do. But she is rarely seen without one. Unfortunately with her sensitive skin the bandaids give her a rash after a few days. I have tried to convince her to give up on the bandaids, but she is willing to power through that irritated skin just to wear them, especially if they are Barbie bandaids.

I was cutting up an apple to eat and a seed fell out. Grace, standing next to me, "Mom a seed! You plant that in the ground and a tree grows!" I would love to give myself a giant pat on the back for imparting wisdom on my three-year-old, but I didn't teach her the seed-to-tree concept, and I was floored. I'm assuming it must have been in a show she watched. She asked to have the seeds and we made our way downstairs so she could plant them in the ground. She checked on them everyday in the hopes of her apple tree growing.

I love the way she draws. The way that she draws people has progressed a lot since could first wielded a pencil. Her people now have bodies, and recently she has added fingers and toes. She made this little art piece for our neighbor who we both love.

I love this girl. I really really really do. She can give me a serious run for my money at times but she more than makes up for it with her sweet, caring, genuinely nice, and hysterical personality.

Grace, Gracie, The Gracers, That Grace, I love you babe. You are perfect for me and I am grateful for you every day.

On Traveling, Moving, and Mother's Day

In the family of Barnard this month, and this summer, are going to be one for the record books. There is a lot going on. After mentioning our upcoming events and activities to my friends, I have heard multiple times, "You need to write this all down for me so I know what is going on and when you are going to be here."

We celebrated our 7th anniversary on Sunday, following Aaron's finals week. On Tuesday Aaron packed up at left for South America (Brazil and Argentina specifically) with his school's Global Leadership program.

Saying goodbye to him was really hard for me. We have been separated, but never in different countries. It was doubly hard seeing as he was going to be gone the two weeks leading up to the day we move (we're just moving down the street into a house). Knowing this was going to be the case I basically begged my Mom to fly down and help me. Something to the effect of, "Pleeeeeasssssseeee Mom, I neeeeeeeeeeeed you!" And since my parents are amazing, they rearranged their schedules so she could be here.

It just so happened that her stay overlapped with Mother's day. I haven't celebrated Mother's Day with her in years and I was so excited to actually be with her on this special day. Today, flowers were in order. Although there was little surprise in the matter since she had to open the door for me while I was bringing the groceries in, flowers in hand. But, I hope she still felt special.

 We dropped Christian of with a friend of mine and us three girls headed out to get our nails done

After naps for the kiddos (and for me apparently), we drove out to Costa Vida for our Mother's Day dinner.

We had a blast spoiling Mema, or Meah as Grace calls her, today. I am so grateful for this woman and all that she has done and provided for me. My kids are so lucky to have her as a grandmother.

I also want to acknowledge my mother-in-law as well. On Aaron's birthday I sent her a text thanking her for having Aaron. Everything that she did to teach, and love, and raise Aaron has made him the incredible husband and father he is today, and I am so so thankful for that. She too loves my kids fierce, and they are so lucky to have her as well.

If having a wonderful Mom and mother-in-law wasn't enough, I get to celebrate the two wee babes that made me a mother. Welcoming Grace and Christian changed me. They are both so different, and have altered the way I view the world and have enriched the things I know about love.

The moments I first saw their faces are engrained in my memory. I was made for these babies and they were made for me. The lessons they have taught me about love and life have made me a better person, have forced me to stretch to my limits, and then some. I love them with every fiber of my being and I am so grateful for them.

I am a lucky girl as I think about and celebrate this holiday.

Now, if I could just pack and move and have the process be stress free.....

CCB at 10 Months

He has hit double digits in the month-to-month department. Why does this make me so sad?

He is growing up, this boy of mine. He babbles and mimics and feeds himself soft foods or puffs. He plays with Grace and pulls himself up to stand any and everywhere he can.

These are all wonderful things and milestones worth documenting, but they are further proof that he is no longer my little baby. He is turning into a little boy. Aaron always comments how much of a Mama's boy Christian is, I agree with him and make sure to comment back that being a Mama's boy is going to be temporary. One day, Aaron will reign supreme. Christian will want to be around him, learn from him, get the nitty gritty details on how to really be a man. And he'll ask me not to hug him in public or park a few blocks away so he can "cooly" walk into school. I know my heart will sink and my mind will race back to the early days, the ones where he lunged to me no matter who held him, the ones where he would cry and being held close to me was all he wanted. I'll bask in the sweetness of those memories to soothe my aching heart.

I feel those days coming, and that is why these milestones seem so bittersweet. I have tried hard to relish and soak in the sweet moments, but no matter how much I remind myself to pause and take in what I am experiencing, life always seems to get in the way and days and weeks pass all too quickly.

But for now, he is still my boy. He still loves to be snuggled and hugged. I know that he giggles the most when I tickle his neck or his legs. He groans the loudest right before he falls asleep. He eats us out of house and home and gets quite cranky when we don't keep the food coming. He sleeps on his side snuggled up to his blanket. He loves the water and splashes so hard he soaks everyone in sight. And when I feed him a bottle right before bed, his eyelids blink hard and his breathing slows down and no matter how hard he tries his body always gives in to sleep.

One day my heart will ache for these moments. But thankfully that day is not today. Although he doesn't seem little with reaching 10 months, he is still so very little and I get to enjoy these baby days some more.

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

--Robert Munsch

CCB @ 9 Months and the 4 S's

Well, Ceece is about 4 days shy of turning 10 months, so posting about 9 months now is better late than never, right? My blogging is backed-up to February. I have yet to blog about Valentine's day, Aaron's birthday, and our trip to Virginia. I'm hoping at some point those events will all make it on here. Emphasis on hoping. But, in the time being, at the request of my lovely, always beautiful, sister-in-law Rachel, I'm making an attempt to get back into the blog-o-sphere.

So let's talk about this boy. Because, if I'm being honest, I'm totally obsessed. He is the sweetest kid. If you smile at him he'll smile back and then bashfully bury his face in the neck of the person holding him.

9 Months marked the 4 S's for Christian: Scooting, Standing, Sleeping, and Speaking.

The day he hit 9 months he scooted for the first time and pulled himself up to stand for the first time. It's as if something clicked one day and he decided to be mobile.

He had started to sleep through the night around 8 months, but at 9 months it was consistent and so incredibly wonderful. Although he still is sleeping in our closet.

He also would follow us prompting him. We'd wave and say "Bye Bye" and he would wave his fingers and repeat "Ba Ba." Its pretty much the only thing he can repeat (aside from Ba Ba Da Da- bye bye Dada) but we'll take what we can get.

We love this boy!

Happy 9 Months Christian Clark

Controversy

I am not one for contention. In fact, I quite dislike it. Tension in any situation makes me feel very awkward. I tend to avoid those situations at all costs. When it comes to the "fight or flight" mentality, I always, without fail, choose flight. Why battle it out when you can run away to a safe place all the while calling out, "Problem? What problem? I see no problem here!" Running away instead of facing your problems? Yes, sir'ee, that's me.

When the topic of same-sex marriage came to the table years ago, I was very hands off. I knew both sides were passionate and I knew that I wanted to run away until everything ran its course. That was until Aaron and I found ourselves in Northern California when Proposition 8 came to light. Suddenly I felt like I was in the thick of this issue. I was a Mormon in California when a controversial religion versus constitution battle came to light. Holy moly.

Hate spewed from both sides. I knew people who had their signs vandalized or stolen from their yards, cars were keyed that had pro Prop 8 stickers on them. I saw signs "Jesus Hates Gays," and all sorts of words like "Hell" and "Damnation" written boldly across posters. I felt like hate ran rampant through neighborhoods, pouring over streets, and feeding its way into my home through my TV. Even onto the walls of our church buildings.

Everywhere I looked there was a fight, and argument, a "how dare you!" being said by either side. I cried when I saw protestors outside the Oakland temple. Temples are one of the most sacred locations to me. But, I felt nothing but hate from a group of people who were trying to "stop the hate."

I wanted to crawl into a hole and wait until the air was clear. Let them fight it out, let them deal with it. Let the cards fall as they may.

Suddenly I was thrust into a situation where I had to choose where I stood. We were asked in church to support the fight for pro-marriage. That support came through going door-to-door asking people to support Prop 8, or to call and make the same requests. This came from the Prophet, this was not a local opinion. A letter was read during church from the First Presidency (the leaders of our church) asking for support. It was a peaceful request, not a demanding one. It was not a request of "Support this or go to Hell!" letter. It was a request to support the beliefs of our church. It asked us to support, but it was our choice whether we wanted to participate or not. No one would be shunned or looked down upon for any choice that they made.

At the same time, Aaron and I were living next door to a gay couple. They were incredibly nice, we loved being their neighbors. We ran into them into the parking lot of our apartment complex. Our one neighbor smiled as we greeted him. "Frank and I are getting married this weekend." He beamed, "We're having a party in San Francisco afterwards if you'd like to come." I burst into a "Congratulations, how wonderful!" I was over-the-top with it, in an attempt to mask how complicated I felt about everything. He was so happy, and love is a beautiful thing, I would never want to deny anyone of that. In that moment I especially didn't want him to feel that his news wasn't worthy of an overjoyed congratulations.

My head and my heart were a jumbled confused mess. It was so hard when my religion and the law intersected. Where did I stand with this? How did I feel about this? How can I support my neighbors happiness, but how can I also support my beliefs? I mulled over everything in my heart and in my head for weeks. I stripped away all of the outside noise on the issue and looked within myself and asked, at my very core, what did I believe?

I know that Jesus is the Christ. I believe his teachings. I believe he is a God of love and that he loves everyone. I believe that the Gospel was restored and that, just like days of old, there is a Prophet on the Earth today. I believe that the prophet provides guidance and counsel for us from God through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. So at the very core of who I am and what I believe, where did I stand?

The Prophet asked for my support of Proposition 8, because that was in support of our beliefs. He asked, he did not threaten hellfire and brimstone, he asked. I believe that he speaks for the Lord, and I chose to follow. I was still a jumbled confused mess about it, but at my core that is where I stood. It was never about hate, ever, it was never because I was closed minded, naive, an ignorant faith follower. It was through quiet introspection about what I know to be true based off of years of spiritual confirmations, earnest study and prayer.

So what did standing on "that side" even mean? Did it mean that I hated the gay and lesbian community? Did it mean that I hated my neighbors and wanted them to rot in hell? No, heavens no. Never ever ever.

Let me put it into a less controversial analogy. I believe that a person should wait until they are married to have sex. Let's say a law came to light about pre-marital sex. Pretend for a moment that research and support led to a bill that stated that sex before marriage should be illegal. Proposition Abstinence. Where would I stand with this? Well, since I believe that sex should occur after a couple is legally and lawfully married I would support this proposition. Why? Because that is what I believe. Does it mean that I hate all those people who have sex before they are married? No, that would mean I would hate a large majority of people on this earth inside and outside of my religion. Does it mean that I want to deny those people their rights? Of course not. Does it mean that my religion and the Prophet hate those who have sex before they are married. Never, and assuming so would be a drastic misunderstanding. But when the law and my beliefs intersect and a hard line is drawn on the ground and someone says to me "You have to choose," I will choose my beliefs. If the law dictates something I will acknowledge and support the law within this country, but before something becomes a law and I have to be on a side, that is where I stand.

I am assuming that Proposition 8 will be repealed. And when the same-sex couples I know get married I will view it as a marriage. I will congratulate them, be happy for them and respect them for being passionate about their beliefs. In turn, I hope they would respect me for being passionate in mine.

Recipes

Well, there seems to be some serious interest in the recipes for some of the dishes Aaron and I have prepared recently. Since all of these recipes were found elsewhere, I will add links and give credit where credit is due.

Pad See Ew

In this dish we substitute baby bok choy for the chinese broccoli (we like the taste better). We also double the sauce mixture and egg.

Tikka Masala

A huge thank you to Heather G. for sending me this link

Naan

This is a little bit sweeter and fluffier than tradtitional naan, but very easy and very yummy

Coconut Curry Chicken

I could eat this everyday