Thursday, September 2, 2010

Last Few Minutes

I can't sleep. I struggled with the same problem on the very same day a year ago. The last few minutes before I fell asleep knowing that my world would never be the same. I know tomorrow that my baby will no longer be my baby, but will be my toddler, my little girl.

I'm so sad to see her baby days go. I want to remember every moment, soak up every memory and take nothing for granted. I want to remember the way she felt curled up on my chest, the way I cried every time she cried, the way we laughed when she peed on our comforter, the way it felt the moment we walked out of that hospital and it finally hit me that she was mine
I've grown a whole lot in these 365 days of Gracie. I was pushed to limits that I didn't know existed. I've felt a mix of feelings ranging from good to bad but always trumped by the fact that a piece of my heart resides in that tiny little body. No amount of frustration, annoyance, or exhaustion could make me love her less. She is mine, I am hers. We're bound in this crazy life and I love that.

I snuck into her bedroom about 47 times tonight just to watch her sleep. Most of the time I replayed the memories of those 11 months in my mind. The good, the bad, the ugly, you name it, I replayed it. I wanted to be there in the moment soaking up every last little particle of Grace's "babyness." The last moments before we moved onto the next phase. There was no rush. Just the sound of Gracie slowly and steadily breathing in and out.

I know that there isn't a magic moment where the clock strikes midnight and my baby magically turns into a toddler. Tomorrow will be just another Thursday in September. A day that will go on as usual. But it will mean the beginning of something new and something incredible for Grace. The next phase. Toddlerhood.

Oh hey, its 12:22am
Happy Birthday Gracie.

6 comments:

Shannon said...

Happy birthday Gracie girl! And happy anniversary of the day you gave birth, Kara. Enjoy this day! You both are wonderful. :)

Kinzie Sue said...

You can't write a sweet post like that and expect the sappy mother in me to have dry eyes afterwards. Children are the greatest joys and blessings, no matter what stage of fun or frustration may be at hand. Happy birthday to the cutest little girl! And Happy One Year Mom-iversary to you Kara (and Dad-iversary to Aaron.)

(okay wierd, was trying to type this and then shannon's comment came through. I guess we both thought how important this anniversary date is for Gracie and you guys as parents!)

Diana said...

I was thinking about you last night and what you might be feeling/thinking. I can't believe Grace is 1, she's seriously so grown up! Happy Birthday Gracie! Wish we were there to celebrate!

erika herman said...

So sweet. I must be pregnant because I am like bawling right now. :)

I only wish we were closer so I would have been able to see mor eof Grace as a baby. I sure loved the one time I did get to paly with her though.

Happy Birthday, Grace!

teuscher travels said...

I dont know if it is the Jet lag but this has me crying, I wish time would just slow down! Beautifully written, I will always cherish the baby phase.

The Mostess said...

Awww...happy bday to your no-longer adorable baby!